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Our Intellect is Not Us from Alex's blog
I've been away a while working on myself. As a matter of fact, I spent last week fasting from all mental distraction including reading, movies, internet, TV, and music. So I certainly wasn't posting then. But my time off has been fruitful.
I've been working on my concepts of the structure of the mind including the left and right sides that I mentioned before. Part of this journey of realization brought me to the conclusion that my intellect and the products of it are not me or my identity.
Most people describe themselves as the product of what their mind has created. They also judge themselves by the ability of their intellect to do its job. Of course, because the vast majority of people's minds are running on reactive autopilot, they are also describing themselves as the byproduct of an out of control intellect.
What's more, most people label the thoughts running in their mind as themselves or as something they are creating. They are "their thoughts" that created their identity/personality. And because these reactive thoughts frequently come out as reactive talking, the words people used are also lumped together as part of their identity.
Yet the intellect is just a tool. For most people, it's also a tool that's has merely been reacting to material input since they were very young. So it's a tool that is being controlled by everything outside instead of the inner wielder. It's not us. It's not who we really are. Even its opinions and beliefs, the things most people hold dear, are not really us. They're just more conclusions the tool has come to in reaction to things people have told us or stories we've been fed by TV, media, and society.
The most efficient use of the tool is as a powerful calculator wielded by the higher, conscious mind to analyze its needs when manifesting its will. Otherwise it's just a tool of whatever sense data is being fed it, which is usually self destructive or limiting.
So now when I find my mind worrying about something or judging someone I remind myself that it's not the real me. And the train of thought slows and eventually stops because I am no longer willing to put effort into something that's not my choice or representative of what I want.
I've been working on my concepts of the structure of the mind including the left and right sides that I mentioned before. Part of this journey of realization brought me to the conclusion that my intellect and the products of it are not me or my identity.
Most people describe themselves as the product of what their mind has created. They also judge themselves by the ability of their intellect to do its job. Of course, because the vast majority of people's minds are running on reactive autopilot, they are also describing themselves as the byproduct of an out of control intellect.
What's more, most people label the thoughts running in their mind as themselves or as something they are creating. They are "their thoughts" that created their identity/personality. And because these reactive thoughts frequently come out as reactive talking, the words people used are also lumped together as part of their identity.
Yet the intellect is just a tool. For most people, it's also a tool that's has merely been reacting to material input since they were very young. So it's a tool that is being controlled by everything outside instead of the inner wielder. It's not us. It's not who we really are. Even its opinions and beliefs, the things most people hold dear, are not really us. They're just more conclusions the tool has come to in reaction to things people have told us or stories we've been fed by TV, media, and society.
The most efficient use of the tool is as a powerful calculator wielded by the higher, conscious mind to analyze its needs when manifesting its will. Otherwise it's just a tool of whatever sense data is being fed it, which is usually self destructive or limiting.
So now when I find my mind worrying about something or judging someone I remind myself that it's not the real me. And the train of thought slows and eventually stops because I am no longer willing to put effort into something that's not my choice or representative of what I want.
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You can see evidence of how much attachment this causes, when people get possessive over their thoughts. When in a social platform such as this, when one disagrees with the thoughts of others, the scenarios can play out any number of ways, but you can see the trends. For example, if you say: Cora'Sahn I disagree with you. YOU. This is often interpreted to mean: I don't like YOU. It causes emotional stress for many, and you can see the chain reactions that occur, when discourse in dialogue occurs. I call this Conversational Intolerance. I have a blog on on it here somewhere :)
I'm fine with a person disagreeing with my thoughts, I'm not as attached (as maybe I should be) to my thoughts. I guess, its because they change and frequently, there's really no time for attachment. Some thoughts are pretty firm and constant, it may be an expression of who I am, but its not what I am.
It begs to question, what is the essence of the self - if not thoughts? "I think, therefore I am" comes to mind.
I'll have to bump another blog on this very subject. I think the two run parallel.
http://cultofcthulhu.wall.fm/blogs/post/436
Link to the blogs I mentioned.
When you say you have this outside source, this voice - do you believe you are channeling it, and therefore its an outside influence? By invoking this purposely, you accidentally shredded YOU and it was supplicated by this new influence?
"This place, I've felt it before when I did a ritual facing Saturn, there was no hope. Everything was gone..."
Could you describe it as a feeling of 'dread'? The reason I ask is there seems to be a trend in the specific feelings invoked during specific rituals, that I would classify as Dread. Dread, isn't necessarily a shitty thing, in fact, its that feeling of uneasiness and a loss of something - that may cause you to re-examine. Re-examine what you hoped would come out of the ritual, and what actually occurred - how this affects you and why?
"Of course that's the Abyss, its not a fun place - its actually pretty scary..."
This is the place I call the brink, yes it can be the abysmal abyss but its the brink of something, and most people get turned off by the feelings it invokes so they step back from it, rather than choosing to cross the event horizon - to see what's in store. Some argue that this is your body, and base-instincts warning you to step back or else perish but I disagree.
"I just ride it out, because I've been here before..."
So you have to intellectualize it in the moment, and force yourself to ride it out.
"Oh my God...and I don't like that word...."
Why? Do you have a personal aversion to God?
"The power structure that I could project, I thought was belief..."
So on one hand, you have your structure of beliefs that tells you, what you are experiencing is the shredder, but then on the other - you have to deconstruct your beliefs, to find your way through it - is that correct?
"It took me 3 hours, it was not an easy job but because I have a trained mind, I survived it..."
3 Hours seems like a long time, but in a transcendental state it can seem like moments, a blip on the clock. Is that what you do? Induce trance for ritual work?
"Now I understand the dangers of the division of the mind..."
Typically, this is a place in which possession occurs - and it is a sign of a trained mind to intellectualize your way through it (what you experienced) otherwise, you may have been lost to self-possession. With no exorcist on hand, it could have been a bad scene for you.
Do you think you could repeat it? Do you remember exactly what you did to step yourself down? Experimentation is good, but there is a danger of inducing psychosis.
Yet let me answer these questions you placed in front of me.
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When you say you have this outside source, this voice - do you believe you are channeling it, and therefore its an outside influence?
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Yes, I do believe there are outside influences. I do believe in things like spirits and demons and things that go bump in the night.
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By invoking this purposely, you accidentally shredded YOU and it was supplicated by this new influence?
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Actually, I told a very limited version of the story. For times sake. Right before I landed in the Shredder I was examining this thought. And one of my guides who actually watches out for me in these strange yet facinating places told me to becareful. Then I saw the top of a head and the skull was opened showing the brain. Like a test subject. My guide told me that examining the Mind such as I do has dangers......and then it was shortly after that I fell into the Shredder. I wouldnt say "I shredded me" yet anytime I had any inclination to agree or simulate with this energy it sucked me even more deeper into its hole. Even inclination is acted upon in this place.
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Now let me tell you a wee bit of what happened in the ritual with Saturn...
I did a ritual for Saturn and it was enormously scary. When I called Saturn I landed in a city. This city had a Mad Maxx sorta feel to it. And I could sense soldiers around the place like marshal law and shooting anything in their way. And a booming voice kept telling me I didnt make it. And I was lost. And that I would never be happy and no one would ever be there for me ...and on and on....this gave me that feeling of , like you said "dread". Being lost and forsaken. This vision went on for hours. It took me a long time to restore my energy after that vision. I walked away from the vision thinking I failed. Yet bounced back in a few days. It wasnt until this vision I had this morning that I realized that when I did the vision with Saturn that I landed in the Abyss.
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"Oh my God...and I don't like that word...."
Why? Do you have a personal aversion to God?
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I was born in a bible beating home where I had to go to church 3-4 times a week. They were Jesus freaks as some would say. Pentacostal holy rollers. I did learn how to speak in tongues and I did see my first visions in the church. I have an interesting story about that. Ill jot it down and put it in my blog...maybe after I make my most delicious RumVanilla Americano tonight! My point is...I have to get that shit out of my system before it kills me ...the "God" stuff that is.
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So on one hand, you have your structure of beliefs that tells you, what you are experiencing is the shredder, but then on the other - you have to deconstruct your beliefs, to find your way through it - is that correct?
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Yes, that is correct. Crowley did say through LAM
'divide, add, and multiply..."
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"It took me 3 hours, it was not an easy job but because I have a trained mind, I survived it..."
3 Hours seems like a long time, but in a transcendental state it can seem like moments, a blip on the clock. Is that what you do? Induce trance for ritual work?
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I have a way in which i can induce very strong visions
And Yes, I could repeat it...I can remember exactly how I stepped myself down!...Like I said, I steered my beliefs.
But it's not peeking down occasionally to try to get me to do things. It's just there and I normally am oblivious to it, as are most people.
This doesn't at all surprise me. It's actually pretty common a midst individuals who are recovering from drug addiction (typically, the addiction is as a result of self-medicating a condition), and choosing a particular reality.
It is when a mental health professional tests the subject to determine if he/she can differentiate between the common accepted reality, and the personally created reality that such a diagnosis is handed out.
This is why I say that there is a danger for the Occultist which allows madness to use him, vs. that madness being in use by the occultist.
"Yes, that is correct. Crowley did say through LAM
'divide, add, and multiply..." "
Actually, personal interpretation is valid. What Crowley said, was not to share interpretations for comparison, or else find yours being challenged.
In this case, I don't think this is what Crowley was referring to in Liber AL vel Legis. You may disagree with me.
Not only is our intellect or thoughts not us. Our feelings are not us. Our bodies are not us. Our sexual activity is not us. The human machine is comprised of various centers. There are many 'I's living in each center.
I think the higher voice Alex is talking about is Magnetic Center. For those who aren't versed in the Fourth Way, Magnetic Center is a collection of self-aware 'I's that wish to put forth the effort so that higher consciousness is reached.
VS
I would say most of it, but then again drugs/alcohol are often used to induce transcendental states. There is a strong case for Evocations, but it's Crowley so...You just never know. :)